Response to Jim Berhle's "How to Write the Great American Novel"

"How to Write the Great American Novel"

Read the above article from theawl.com, then read my witty commentary below:

This article was my introduction to theawl.com, and I must say, it was love at first sight.  While I do have some complaints about it, which I'll get around to later, and theawl in general, which I might write about in a future post, I found the article to be entertaining and, for the most part, spot-on.

That said, complaint #1 is that the article is WAY TOO LONG.  I know, I know -- intellectuals don't complain about having to read too much, but come on!  Isn't the point of the internet to get quick, immediate news "at your fingertips" when you want it?  Well, yes, that is the point of internet news, but not the point of any creative form of writing.  Yes, I get it.  But an article's and article, and there's plenty of reasons an article is not a short story or a book, and I'm going to go ahead and say that one of those reasons is length.  So, while the article is enthralling and worth your time, don't feel bad if you skimmed over 60% of it like I did.  Who has the time to read all 4,726 words? (And yes, I really counted, or... Microsoft Word did.)

My second complaint is that the 11 suggestions could realistically be pared down to a meager five:

Berhle's tips that can go:

1.  Move out of Brooklyn.  Though I concede that there are far too many popular novels based in New York City, given that less than 3% of the population of the United States lives in NYC (pop. of NYC = 8,391,881 pop. of USA = 311,591,917: is my math right?), and I fully experience the feeling of exclusion when authors refer to specific streets and cafes in Manhattan as if all Americans should be familiar, I refuse to believe that this specificity is what is crippling certain authors from producing the next "Great American Novel."  Who knows, perhaps these writers' goal is simply to become the next "Great Author from Manhattan."  Additionally, if the purpose of literature is to explore universally experienced themes, does the location really matter?  Again, I will reiterate that no, I cannot relate to the actual location of a narrator who is walking down a dark alley in the bad side of Central Park as vividly as a native New Yorker, but we can all relate to the feeling of being in a scary situation.  Therefore, while I admit to Mr. Berhle that books about NYC are inundating our bookstores, I suggest that the reader appreciate the plot of the books for what they are and draw on universal experiences as much as possible.  If this is impossible for the unimaginative readers out there, choose your books more carefully.

3.  Stop writing in Starbucks.  I am of the mind that it does not matter where one creates as long as one creates, and I think we all agree that different people require different working environments.  For example, it behooves some folks to listen to soft music while they read or write; others, like myself, need utter silence for inspiration to strike.  Still some people (strange as they are), get lost in loud beats, lose track of the world around them, and only then can they compose.  Because I sympathize with those gentle souls who need silence to in order to create, it would be easy for me to say that this is the only road to true genius, but I am not so close-minded as to assert that there is only one recipe for creativity, and therefore, Berhle, I disagree that Starbucks is an impediment to creation.  Maybe some authors thrive on others' banality, and who are we to judge?

7.  We need more books written from the point of view of cats.  I will not even comment on this tip.  No, I will: Has anyone actually read A Dog's Purpose or anything written by Jon Katz?  If you haven't, go find A Dog's Purpose, read the first paragraph, and then imagine this were written from a cat's perspective.  The world does not need books written from the point of view of animals, period.  (Unless they are analogies about humanity, ie - Animal Farm, Life of Pi...)

Though I reject the above three writing suggestions, I embrace the majority of his ideas:

1.  Drop out of school.  Brilliant.  This one stays.  Yes, Jim, "If being a great writer could be taught, it would have been taught by now," but I don't agree that every colleague and professor is "trying to destroy you."  While, in my experience, that majority of people who study English will not write outside of their MA or Ph.D program, those who will break through the glass-window of publication really want to help you (if they think you're good enough).  And if not, they truly want to weed you out of the field in order to rid the world of future Suzanne Collins and Stephanie Meyers (and no, not out of jealousy, but because the writing is awful).

2.  Adultery is boring.  Again, right on, but I think this could be generalized into a broader category of "Make it Interesting," or, in the words of Ezra Pound, "Make it New!"  Though I don't believe that the best novel of the last few years is "Mad Men," mostly because I haven't seen most of it and do not equate TV with literature, I agree that the greatest love story (or story of adultery) has already been told.  (sidenote: I do not believe it to be "Romeo and Juliet," but rather Love in the Time of Cholera; what a beautiful story of patience and devotion which doesn't end in rash decisions to kill oneself due to imbalanced teenage hormones!)  Furthermore, I think "Stop Writing Books from the Points of View of Children" and "No more anti-heroes" could fall into this broadened "Make it New!" category.

3.  Stop wasting time on the internet!  Yes, yes, yes!  How many novels have been abandoned due to an unfocused author's short attention span when multi-tasking on the computer?  How many students' assignments have been neglected in lieu of twitter and facebook?  How many dollars have been embezzled from employers by employees who waste company time on social networks or "surfing the web" when they should be doing something else?  As a child of the 80's and 90's, I'm not certain what the office time-waster was before internet (Minesweeper?  Newspapers?  TV?), but, as an educator, I know that technology, in all it's glory, has impeded productivity as much as it has aided expedience.  That said, it would be hypocritical of me to pretend I want you to be writing your novel instead of reading my blog, especially if your novel's better than mine.  So, godspeed to all you internet Jedi's out there - waste away!

4.  Stop drinking and doing coke.  I only support this tip in so much as "just because you drink it doesn’t make you interesting," but I truly don't recall many contemporary writers who boast about binging escapades, not since Jack Kerouac.  Of course, as I mentioned earlier, I am a child of the 80's and 90's, so I never romped around with the Beats or the Lost Generation as Mr. Berhle seems to have (there are an uncanny number of seemingly personal references to remembering anecdotes about John Updike in Berhle's article, don't you think?  Or were those intended to mean, "I remember when I heard about John Updike doing the following?"  Regardless, I'm not so sure this specific authorial flaw is endemic to contemporary authors.

5.  Don't listen to anyone's opinion and Never Stop Writing mean the same thing to me, and they are both good advice.  They both call to mind Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet in which he counsels the insecure poet thusly:   

"You ask whether your poems are good. You send them to publishers; you compare them with other poems; you are disturbed when certain publishers reject your attempts... I suggest you give all that up. You are looking outward and, above all else, that you must not do now. No one can advise or help you, no one... in the most silent hour of your night, ask yourself this: Must I write? Dig deep into yourself for a true answer. And if it should ring its assent, if you can confidently meet this serious question with a simple, “I must,” then build your life upon it. It has become your necessity."

So, I saved this tip for last and say to you: "Reader, if you strive to write the next great American novel, keep writing, but only do so if writing is the only thing that keeps you going day to day.  Do not contribute banal, second-rate discourse with the sole purpose of recognition, fame, or legacy.  As a writer, it is not for you to decide the fecundity of your work, but it is rather your job to hone your words so they may go forth and prosper."

Best of luck to you, writers, in producing the next "Great American Novel," if that is, indeed, your goal.  And here I leave you, 3148 words fewer than Berhle, but too long, nonetheless.  Check in again to read a future blog which will review Berhle's Valentine's Day blog, "How to Write a Love Poem."