Today, I am at school. I have 13 minutes until the students will be released from 1st hour, and a dozen eager 6th graders will pour into my room.
Today, my 6th graders will be testing on laptops, which will be a challenge, as I'm not sure how many of the students have used a laptop before (probably most of them) or how many of them have logged-in to the school computers before. I will gently guide them through the log-in process, then direct them to the testing website, then guide them through THAT log-in process, then walk them through the directions, and finally, allow them to test: One test is a mere 3 minutes, but takes 5-7 minutes to explain, another is only ten minutes or so, and the final test if 55 minutes long. It will take us approximately 3 class periods.
(Now I have 11 minutes until 1st hour ends).
There is another test I'm supposed to give the students at this point in the year - a writing test. Maybe I'll wait until next Friday to do that. So much testing in so little time. So little inspiration.
(10 minutes until 1st hour is over).
Today I am feeling anxious. I woke up tired; I've been sleeping poorly lately because it's so hot upstairs, but also because the draining makes my throat itchy, and the dogs' movement keeps me awake. I'm still a little tired, sore stomach, and anxious. Short breaths that don't completely fill my lungs are all I can summon.
(9 minutes...)
I can't get over the feeling that I'm supposed to be doing more with my time -- here at school with a new job, in my day-to-day life with my family and husband, and on this earth. But what is there to do? On a small-scale, I should be inserting myself into core Language Arts classes, attending team meetings, and making myself useful to the teams. All in good time. It's only the 3rd week of school. At home, I should be exercising more, cooking meals (how long have I claimed I'm going to cook a meal? I should commit to Thursday - a salad on Thursday), creating something -- artistic: crochet, writing, drawing. I don't know. On a larger scale...
(7 minutes)
On a larger scale... I can't figure that out. Should I go back to school? Become an administrator? Become a curriculum leader? Is education the field I want to be in? If I really think, whose job do I want? KB? KN? Maybe... What steps do I need to take to get there?
Another thought I've had is to increase my experience in the field by traveling abroad. I want to visit the country most of my students are from to feel more connected. I'd love to do an extended teacher exchange, but for now, will probably have to settle for a 1-2 week vacation or overview of a school. I should spend more of my home time doing real research on that.
(5 minutes)
Going backwards -- large picture back to small picture... I'm worried about people I care for, not taking care of themselves. Should I intervene? How much good could I do? How to intervene lovingly?
(4 minutes)
Do all teachers watch the clock like this? It's an infuriating way to live each day.
