First and foremost, dear reader, I will initiate you into the inner circle of McSweeney-knowers; how many of you have heard of, read, and enjoyed the popular site www.mcsweeneys.net without truly knowing who the hell "Timothy McSweeney" is or was? Well, I have done a very minimal amount of research and, with a few flicks of my fingers, stumbled across the esoteric knowledge that you have all lacked until this very moment:
McSweeney's is a publishing house founded by Dave Eggers, and the name comes from a certain Timothy McSweeney who, confusedly, wrote letters to Eggers' family when Eggers was a child and claimed to be a relative of Eggers' mother. The original Mr. McSweeney is currently in care for mental illness, but, fortunately for us, his legacy lives on in the hilarious lists and articles produced by mcsweeneys.com.
Therefore, I say again, Dear Timothy McSweeney (as you are the namesake of the site which is my muse today), thank you for your recent article, "The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better than You Normally Do."
Mr. McSweeney (and to a lesser extent, Colin Nissan, the author of the article), thank you, thank you, thank you! Your advice on how to write better really is helpful and relevant to the lay-man's world of writers- to-be. As a teacher, I would love to and probably will share this article with my students down the road. As an aspiring writer, I will print out the main points and make them my mantra every morning. As a prophet, I will reiterate your main points and give you praise as needed below:
1. Write everyday. "Writing is a muscle. Smaller than a hamstring and slightly bigger than a bicep, and it needs to be exercised to get stronger." I have tried to explain this to my struggling ELL students (English Language Learning) time and time again, but this quote is a very concise analogy that I think they can "get."
2. Don't procrastinate.
3. Fight through writer's block. (This is more for me than anyone else -- every day when I want to post a blog but think I have nothing to say, I should write anyway! I don't need to post every mundane blog I write, but better to write and "save as draft" than never to write at all!)
4. Learn from the masters. While Nissan says this tongue-in-cheekedly, I agree that aspiring writers should begin by reading, then imitating the masters. Only when we are comfortable enough with recognized genius can we form genius-thoughts of our own, at least, imho.
5. Find your muse. (and I would add, then worship it, idolize it, but keep it to yourself.) If your muse is your tiny dog, so-be-it, but keep it to yourself. You will sound much more intelligent saying inspiration struck than admitting that "Fluffy" breathed the words into your ear as you slept. Furthermore, if your inspiration is your neighbor's house, your neighbor's wife, or your neighbor's ass -- worship it, love it, write analogies of your praise, but, by all means, especially those of your with your own house, wife, and ass, do not pursue it. This is one way to get distracted from your writing, which leads to further frustration and procrastination (see #2).
6. Hone your craft. #1 and 3 and #6 might seem contradictory, as I blog to practice my writing muscle and fight writer's block, but I also keep the blog very private and do not advertise it, as I know I am simply flexing my intellectual muscle without really having anything to show. Think of it as intellectual jerking off. Until I can perform better than the average author, I would never ask that beautiful editor, neighbor, or friend to indulge in reading my meager blabberings. Not until I am confident I will make the reader squeal with pleasure will I pass this link on to anyone in any sort of a hierarchical position. (I apologize to those of you who've stumbled upon or committed to reading my blog prematurely).
7. Ask for feedback.
8. Read, Read, Read. (and I will say read more and more and more!)
9. Study the rules, and then break them. As much as we all admire Picasso, Pollock, and Miro, we secretly know that they were all artists in the traditional sense before they found their own medium and popularized it. In the same way, every writer should perfect the traditional arts of letter writing, the five-paragraph essay, mediocre poetry, and middle-of-the-road fiction before trying to re-create the wheel. Yes, you may have ideas of how to improve the world of fiction, or sci-fi, or romance, but until you've proved yourself as a true minion of literature, your efforts will rarely be taken seriously.
and finally...
10. Keep it together. Believe me, I know, we are all here on this writer's advice column because there is something a little off in our brains. "Average" joes don't fool themselves into thinking (period), or into thinking that their thoughts are worthy of other people's time. So, what makes us so different? Are we really more intelligent? (Maybe!) Is there something wrong with our brain's social perception such that we think people perceive us as smarter than they are? (Probably) And finally, is there something missing, or maybe something extra, in our brain that tells us that we are this generation's muse, and as such, we must proselytize to the masses, wake them from their ambivalence, and make them see the truth? (Yes!) And if you are with me on this last point... then you are just as demented as I am. That said, we're all of us authors a little demented, and we must nurture those demons that inspire us, use them for the good of Humanity, and also recognize when they are leading us astray.
Good luck, fellow writers, and I'll give you an 11th piece of advice that McSweeney and Nissan neglected to mention... -- Don't give up! Keep on writing. In the words of Rainer Maria Rilke:
"Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of other people passes by, far in the distance. - And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. A work of art is good if it has arisen out of necessity. That is the only way one can judge it."
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