I. Intro
Many people have dissected the world into categories: men vs. women,
givers vs. takers (Daniel Quinn), producers and consumers, Christians
and non-christains, Caucasian and “other,” East vs. West,
artistic vs. logical, and the list goes on and on. Starting with the
very first categorization – men vs. women – of course, science
has proven that there is a lot of gray area in this type of
classification. Where do homosexuals belong? What about
hermaphrodites? Transgendered people? Transsexual people? Not
everybody fits neatly on one side or another, and such is life.
Regardless of the dichotomy, there will always be exceptions to the
generalization, and sometimes these exceptions are the most
interesting cases to study because they offer rationale as to how an
individual can transcend their prescribed / assigned lot in life into
the other side.
Despite the ineffective nature of dividing the world into Us vs.
Them-type polarities, I offer, yet another interpretation of 'those
who can' vs. 'those who cannot', and it's not a new terminology –
but a different understanding of what one group has that the other
group doesn't. I introduce to you “The Winners” and “The
Losers.”
II. The Winners
Winners are better humans; they are more evolved, more intelligent,
and more aware. They are the people who become effective leaders and
create innovative solutions to real problems. The winners are the
ones who take control of a group project and make sure every job gets
done, and they are also the ones who know how to question authority
respectfully in order to encourage societal change rather than simply
muck things up.
Circumstantially, one does not need to be born into wealth to be a
winner – many wealthy people are not winners – but wealth is a
successful tool in our society, and being born into wealth does not
hurt. If not born into wealth, though, winners transcend poverty (or
meager beginnings) by understanding the world around them; they don't
buy into stereotypes that hold them down. They don't fall prey to the
self-perpetuating traps of poverty: teen pregnancy, drugs,
imprisonment, dropping out of high school, alcoholism. They hold
themselves to the same standards as their wealthier counterparts.
They demand a good education, and, short of a top-tier school
district, they squeeze every drop of opportunity out of what
resources they do have, and they strive to find more.
Winners are goal-setters, list-makers, and over-achievers. They are
realistic, and they don't begin projects without truly believing that
they can see the project through. That said, they know when to pull
out and cut their losses. Even in the face of a bad decision or poor
investment, the winners do not despair; they do not let bankruptcy or
a failed business endeavor annihilate them, but rather, they look at
the loss as a learning opportunity. (Why did the business fail?
What can I do differently in the future? At what point in my planning
did I rush things or go against my gut instinct?) Winners are
reflective, but they don't waste time wallowing in regret. For regret
reaps no benefits, and if you're not reaping benefits (be they
physical, fiscal, emotional, or spiritual, mind you), you are not
winning.
- Some personality traits of winners are as follows: determined, stubborn, confident, eager, curious, engaged, active, persistent, resilient, resourceful, intrinsically motivated, outspoken, charismatic, charming...
- Signs you may be dealing with a delusional loser who thinks s/he is a winner: self-righteousness, haughtiness, begging, an overall pathetic demeanor, poor hygiene, bad grammar, excessive pop culture references, religiosity, spirituality, any evident obsession (i.e. - Hello Kitty, Star Trek, sports, college pride, etc.), excessive debt, name brand clothing, name-dropping, poor culinary taste, cheap wine...
- Are all winners good people? Heavens, no! In this construct, winning simply refers to securing that you benefit from life rather than letting obligations and other people suck the life out of you. Winners are inherently selfish, somewhat bombastic, a little pushy, and sometimes condescending. These are not all positive traits. I would not necessarily want my spouse to exhibit all the traits of a winner, but if it came right down to choosing to marry a winner or choosing to marry a loser, well, I'd go for the bombastic smart ass any day.
II. The Losers
Losers are more difficult to describe; they come in all varieties,
and they simply dull in comparison to winners. A winner in one social
circle may, in fact, be a loser in another. Though, this is not often
the case. It's not enough to describe losers as the inverse of their
superior counterpart (less evolved, less intelligent, less aware),
but it's a fine place to begin.
Losers let life happen to them. They approach life with a passive
acceptance of established norms, expectations, and hierarchies. They
utter such tired dicta as, “Everything happens for a reason,” and
“What will be will be.” They hold strong to belief systems which
exonerate them from responsibility for their place in life, whether
these systems be religion, patriarchy, traditional gender roles, or
political propaganda (i.e. - unbounded patriotism). They make the
same mistakes over and over again, and they don't evaluate their
circumstances to rectify theses shortcomings.
Losers have no sense of agency in their own lives; they progress
from one societal institution to the next, as their forefathers
before them did, without considering that an alternate route is even
possible. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with the
secondary school to college to marriage to children route, but the
fact that these drones exist with blinders on their eyes which
preclude other options is limiting. If a winner sees the sky as the
limit, a loser always finds a barrier to prevents him from realizing
his goals.
Losers may simply have no goals; they may believe the purpose of
life is to marry and reproduce, or to find happiness in your
circumstances. They enjoy the simple things in life: TV on the couch
with a loved one, fast food, cheap beer. Or perhaps they have
unrealistic goals: “I'm going to be published –
someday,” or “Someone will recognize my talent, and then
I'll be famous.” These assumptions all rely on another person
to set the loser's dream into motion; whereas, a winner is his or her
own catalyst. Losers buy lottery tickets and believe in their elected
leaders to make responsible decisions for the nation; winners become
these leaders in order to change the world.
Many people born into poverty experience a feeling of helplessness,
lack of agency, and – therefore – fall into the role of loser.
Not all poor people are losers, though. Our president, for example,
is the product of a broken home in an era that was oppressive to
African Americans, and he transcended a modest upbringing through
motivation, education, and determination. So, it is possible for a
poor person to become a winner, but it's a much steeper hill to
ascend from poverty to success than from a privileged life to
success.
That said, not all wealthy people are winners, either. Many wealthy
people enjoy a life of privilege until they are forced to fend for
themselves, and then, lacking intrinsic motivation or any specific
skill set, they fall. Wealth does not guarantee charisma,
intellectual curiosity, or resilience in the same way poverty does
not assure ineptitude, lack of originality, or indolence.
- Some personality traits of losers are as follows: passive, indifferent, mild-mannered, polite, petty, naive, unorganized, constantly late, eccentric, soft-spoken, addictions, shallow, pious, unreliable...
- Signs you may be a loser: You wear a ballcap (or any other sport-related paraphernalia), you often talk about TV during social outings, you're unemployed (but not financially stable), you shop at Aeropostale or Hollister, you have a tattoo that you regret, you've spent more time watching TV/movies than reading in the past year, you have more than 2 children...
- If I'm a loser, can I do anything to change that? That's a good question, and asking how to fix it is the first step to leaving loser-dom behind you. But, to overcome the state of being a loser, you have to really want to be a winner, not just look like a winner. You have to actually be interested in learning about the world around you, in reading books and newspapers, in taking risks and possibly losing it all. If this sounds like you, you'll find your way. Good luck!
